It’s a funny kind of guilt, the feeling you get when you abandon the place you used to spend hours and hours creating for the strangers who read. It’s like every month which passes without your words becomes a longer rope that you must grab hold of and climb back to. ‘It’s been so long, why should I bother starting?’
It’s not that I didn’t have recipes, photos or thoughts to share. I did. I do. It’s that I felt so far from the ability to create something worthwhile for this place. I doubted I had the time, I doubted I had the creativity, the passion, or even the audience.
Truth is, I’ve been elsewhere. Since we moved from Brisbane to Sydney (the exact month since my last post 1 and a half years ago), I have been working full-time as a lifestyle journalist. I write about food, diet and nutrition, cooking, and I spend my days surrounded by some of the most inspiring, supportive, kind and funny people I know. I leave work feeling tired, like my brain has used up its words for the day, but I feel filled with a unique sense of happiness and confidence. Happy and proud of the articles I have created which readers will (hopefully) learn from. I’m part of a team.
But I do feel guilty for the other place I’m leaving behind, the hours I used to spend here and in my home photographing, editing and sharing. I still share, but my heart isn’t completely in it. I realised, though, that this is okay. I can be here and there, even if it’s just a piece of me here.
My own perfectionism holds me back from focusing on more than one stream of creativity. I’ve been working on it. So what if I just let that go and relaxed here, and shared what I feel like sharing, not what I think needs to be shared. Maybe that is a recipe, or maybe it’s a thought, a story, a list.
Today it’s a thought and who knows what tomorrow will bring.
If you’re reading, thank you for your patience, your time and I hope you are well.